Oslo

First, an apology for the prolonged silence from this end. I've been terribly busy with coursework and internship applications. This is the first time I've had in a while to sit down and upload photos.

A couple weekends ago, I visited Oslo with a few people and got to witness firsthand why it's inadvisable to get sloshy on duty-free wine. (For those of you who don't know, and I can't imagine it's very many of you, I have a very strong adversion to alcohol. This probably has more to do with me being allergic to the stuff- church wine takes me out of commission- than it does with me being a Quaker or something.) But when we went out into the city, it was incredibly beautiful. We really had only one day in Oslo, so we packed a lot into it.

As a note: This post is rated PG-13 for artistic nudity and harrowing images of a baby army.

A lot of snow.

 Although it was winter in Norway, it wasn't anywhere near as wretched as South Bend winters are. The wind chill was nil and the streets were well-cleared.

A view of the sculpture park.

 We decided that the first thing we'd do is visit the famous Oslo sculpture garden. In the summer, this is a very pleasant place with grass and greenery and a public swimming pool.

The ducks don't know it's winter, apparently.

 However, we'd no idea what exactly the sculptures were. They are all images of the human form, celebrating the diversity of shapes and sizes of the human body. It was quite a relief to see normal-sized women depicted in art. However, the statues told a more sinister story: The story of the conquering of adulthood by armies of dead-eyed babies.

A man being overwhelmed by the baby army.

 This image has made its rounds on the internet as being a statue of a man throwing babies. But if you look carefully at the expressions, you'll see that this isn't the case. he isn't throwing babies.

He's being attacked.

Four babies launching full-on charge attacks. The poor man had no chance.

 The babies are smiling with glee, while the man has a look of abject terror.  He knows he won't win. He can only hope for the sweet embrace of death- the alternatives are just too dreadful to comprehend. He's seen what the babies do to their prisoners...

 Naked infants frolic in the statues of trees while four of their captives are forced to lift a heavy bowl. Presumably, this bowl overflows with formula in the summer months, but for now, it is empty.

The baby army's guerilla scouts prepare to assault the adults entering their encampment.

Going up the stairs, we are treated to the hideous and horrifying sights of the baby army's base.

"Our name is Goo Goo Ga Ga, kings of kings. Look upon our works, ye mighty, and change our diapers."

 A tower of bodies stands at the center of the battleground. Here is where the baby army stacks its victims.

She'd prayed for the salt mines. Prayed.

 The babies force their living captives into hard labour. Here, we see a proud warrioress forced into an eternity of horsey rides, her own braids used as reins by the baby army. Her eyes cry for help as she awaits her tiny masters' next directions. Will she be forced into battle as part of the baby cavalry against her own? Or will she be a pack animal? Only the will of the baby army will tell.

Not even the elderly are safe.

 The baby army swarms over an old man, bent double by the wait of his infant oppressors. He can hardly be seen but for the horde that is gleefully taking him prisoner.

Today, the elderly. Tomorrow... Tomorrow, the world.

Oslo sits peacefully at the foot of the sculpture garden, barely aware of the looming threat on the horizon. They are far too busy with their own concerns. After all, there's been a rash of reckless behavior recently...

 To the point where they've had to put up signs prohibiting the jumping of motorcycles over cars.

 Everything is calm and quiet at the Norwegian palace. The place looks as though it's made out of buttercream.

Even the guards live in a cute little house.

 We watched the changing of the guards. It was really quite entertaining.

One by one, the guards paraded into the little house, until all was still.

 Fun fact: In Oslo in the winter, they don't use baby strollers. Instead, they have little sleds for their children that they pull behind them. (I kept thinking of Theresa Arico. It seems like something she'd do.) After the palace and the national art gallery, where we saw The Scream and couldn't take photos, we went to the Oslo City Hall. This building is where they hand out the Nobel Peace Prize.

They have really cool scenes from Norse mythology on the outside of the building. Here's Garmr heralding Ragnarok.

And here's Fenris Ulf and Tyr. 

Spoiler alert: Tyr gets his hand bitten off.

 The inside is decorated with really cool murals by Norwegian artists and has some stunning views.

I took this picture because hey, why not put a rabbit in the middle of a painting of naked people?

 The murals allude to the fact that Norwegians are quietly dangerous.
Take, for instance, this threatening bear. See him down there, looking all mean?

 

Here's what happens to him in the next panel.

Bear Cavalry: Our last best hope against the baby army.

 From there, we went to the Viking ship museum. None of these bad boys ever sailed- they were burial ships. The Vikings liked to bury their dead in ships. Two of these ships were discovered almost completely intact.

 The third... wasn't.

But they got this really cool snake figurehead off of it!

The sun was setting, so we went to the Opera House. You'll see why in a minute. I just wanted to point out that the sea is frozen solid here. Normally it's frozen a few kilometers out, but thanks to global warming, it's not frozen much at all this year.

This is the Oslo opera house. It's a newer building. You'll notice that it's got sloping roofs. This is not a coincidence- they encourage people to climb up on the roof and have picnics or just enjoy the view of the Oslo fjord. So that's exactly what we did.

And then Anna and Tim went out onto the ice. It was a really nice end to a really nice day.

 And then the next day we passed this place on the way to the airport and everything was ruined forever. My only recompense was the knowledge that the baby army would probably turn it into a daycare.

 The Norwegians really like some weird statuary. Here we see one of the Titans punching his way through the surface of the earth to pick a flower.

And... here's this random lizard man in armor. We didn't really know what he was there for.

 He was just standing there outside the bus station, waiting and watching. Could he be here to aid humanity in their fight against the baby army? Or is he working with them, an advance scout into Oslo proper?

Only time will tell.